Lazy bastard’s pumpkin starting to rot

A lazy bastard’s pumpkin is beginning to wither on his doorstep almost a week after Halloween, it has emerged. 

Local man Bill Idle (38) placed a pumpkin he carved for his children at his front door last Wednesday evening.

However, almost a full week has elapsed since then and the rounded orange-yellow fruit has started to rot.

‘I thought I’d leave the thing on display until after the weekend’, explained Bill.

‘Cost me about four hours of my time and the tip of my baby finger to carve the bastard’.

‘There was no way I was going to all that effort then dumping it the next day’.

‘I might lift it tonight after work if it’s dry’.

‘Or maybe the birds will it eat? Who knows? It’s not a big deal’, he added.

However, the weekend came and went yet the pumpkin is STILL on show outside Bill’s house.

‘It smells funny’, winced Bill’s 7-year-old daughter, Amy.

‘It looks creepier now than it did last week. I wish that lazy bastard would put it in the brown bin before it gives me nightmares’, she added.

‘Please, kill me’, whispered the pumpkin.

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