Brendan Dassey to face Ken Kratz at Wrestlemania 35

WWE supremo Vince McMahon has announced that convict Brendan Dassey will face former special prosecutor Ken Kratz at Wrestlemania 35.

The event will be available to stream via Netflix with the loser of the bout spending the remainder of their life in Columbia Correctional Institution, Wisconsin – without the chance of parole.

‘Forget McGregor/Mayweather, this is the contest the world’s been waiting for’, beamed Vince.

‘It’s a ‘Hell in a Cell’ match with a twist – the loser will spend the rest of their life in jailllll’, growled McMahon as the veins bulged in his neck.

The match represents Dassey’s last realistic hope of freedom after the state of Wisconsin scuppered all his court appeals.

Dassey was just 16-years-old when he confessed to the murder of Teresa Halbach, his involvement in the JFK assassination and his role in the RHI Scandal while being interrogated by the police.

When asked if he was looking forward to facing Ken Kratz at Wrestlemania, Dassey replied ‘Um, yeah’.

McMahon also revealed that Donald Trump has been appointed Special Guest Referee for the bout, scheduled to take place on April 7 next year.

While receiving his award for ‘Biggest Bastard Alive’ at a Comic Con, Ken Kratz told reporters:

‘He can bring Steven Avery, Chuck & Earl, Ma Every – even his fucking cat to ring as well. But there is no way that kid will ever again see the light of day’.

Kratz then whipped off his shirt and tie before treating the assembled media to an impromptu pose down.

 

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