A row over whether we should say ‘Housecoat’ or ‘Dressing Gown’ has been described as Northern Ireland’s biggest political crisis yet.
It comes amid speculation the DUP and Sinn Féin are close to agreeing a deal to restore devolved government here.
Talks between the parties descended into farce when a slanging match broke out over the proper name for the loose fitting robe, worn by those who spend unusually long periods at home doing fuck all.
The garment is normally worn before getting dressed in the mornings and after getting undressed in the evenings.
However, if you go to Connswater Shopping Centre around 12 noon on a Tuesday, you’ll see lots of women wearing them while buying their groceries.
Unionist MLAs wanted the piece of clothing to be called a ‘Dressing Gown’.
Meanwhile, Sinn Fein were adamant the garment should be referred to as a ‘Housecoat’.
‘I don’t wear one myself. My house is roasting with the wood pellets burning day and night’, explained DUP leader Arlene Foster.
‘But as far as I’m aware the correct term for the robe is ‘Dressing Gown’. You wouldn’t call slippers bloody ‘House Shoes’, now would you?’, said Foster.
‘Listen til all the snobs calling it a ‘Dressing Gown’. It’s bloody shackin’, snapped Sinn Fein leader Michelle O’Neill.
‘Next they’ll be callin’ shite roll ‘toilet paper’, fegs ‘cigarettes’ or gravy rings ‘doughnuts’. The only doughnuts up this neck of the woods are done in a stolen Vauxhall Astra outside Divis Flats’, she added.
Prime Minister Theresa May and Taoiseach Leo Varadkar weighed into the debate in the hope of reaching an amicable solution.
‘In the interests of respect and equality, similar to Derry/Londonderry, they should call it a ‘Housecoat-Dressing Gown’, reasoned May.
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