Parents rejoice as two month hell ends

Parents across Northern Ireland are today celebrating the end of a two month nightmare commonly referred to as the ‘Summer Holidays’.

There were high-fives among pyjama-clad women at school gates across the country this morning, after they frogmarched their spawn into the care of trained professionals.

The beleaguered parents were overheard discussing the various ways they planned to spend the next few blissful child-free hours.

Mother of two, Danielle Freeman said, ‘Thank f**k it’s over. Any school holidays longer Obviously somebody without any kids came up with the idea of two months off for summer’.

‘I left the wee bastards at the gates about 8.55am then headed straight for the Winemark. I’m gonna lie on my hole, watch Diagnosis Murder and polish off this crate of West Coast Cooler Rose’.

Her husband Morgan spent the past two months pretending to be Darth Vader while having plastic sword fights with their five-year-old son Toby.

He told us, ‘I think I’ve developed a curvature of the spine from stooping down so much’.

‘I don’t think I could’ve taken one more afternoon of that wee ballix putting on a fake American accent and whacking me on the knuckles’.

‘I think I’m gonna hit the Shebeen and do some shots. The world’s my oyster’, he added.

Their 7-year-old son Harry was equally as relieved to be returning to school.

He said, ‘There are only so many trips to a soft-play area full of rough council estate children one can stomach’.

‘I dunno what they’re so relieved about anyway? They may as well have handed custody over to the Xbox for the holidays’.

‘You should’ve seen my mother this morning sobbing and waving at me like I was leaving for a tour of Iraq. She wasn’t getting on like that when she going to Alibi on Saturday night’.

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