Man dies from hangover in Holywood Exchange IKEA

A man has died from a hangover in the Holywood Exchange branch of IKEA, it has emerged. 

37-year-old Stevie McGreedy’s body was discovered by staff curled up in the foetal position on a HÖVÅG pocket sprung mattress.

Paramedics arrived on the scene within minutes where he was pronounced dead.

The death has prompted calls from men’s rights groups for new laws which prohibits women from dragging their hungover spouses around the chain of notorious Swedish gulags.

For years, men have been forced against their will to walk around the Scandinavian death-camps whilst suffering from acute alcohol withdrawal.

The evil females often exact revenge on a male partner for having enjoyed himself the previous evening by making him wade through flat-pack furniture the next day.

Another Belfast man, Toby Jug, says he almost died in the same IKEA store just last month.

The 42-year-old was found on a yellow fabric KNOPPARP sofa by staff who described Mr Jug as ‘fucking dying’.

They managed to stop Toby’s condition from deteriorating by feeding him Sprite and Swedish meatballs from the cafeteria.

‘I’d a full crate of Coors the night before’, recalled Toby.

‘The next morning she said, ‘You may get your lazy drunken hole up, we’re going to IKEA’.

‘Whoever designed that place is clearly a sadist. It’s like some giant evil board game’.

‘Once you enter, you’ve no choice other than to walk around the whole warehouse to get back out again’.

Recalling the incident, Toby’s wife Liz remarked:

‘Aye they can try to stop us taking them to IKEA but no one said anything about Primark, did they nai?’.

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