A Belfast woman who works for a local take-away has been outed as a ‘lying big bastard’, according to reports.
Laura Lyons (42) is accused of deliberately misleading those customers trying to ascertain the whereabouts of their take-away meal.
Every night, Ms Lyons is bombarded with phone calls from impatient customers with terrible diets, demanding to know where their food is.
It doesn’t matter if the food is out for delivery or if the driver is parked up miles away skinning a joint, Laura will always utter the immortal line, ‘it’s on its way, love’.
“I was a wee bit peckish last night so I ordered myself a donner kebab on chips, a 16” pizza and two litres of Coke”, recalled local man Arty Harding
“She said it’d be about 45 minutes but when my grub wasn’t here after 46 minutes I was straight on the dog & bone kickin’ off”.
‘The auld doll on the phone said the traffic was bad or some ballix and the driver was on his way”.
“What traffic? Sure it was 11 a’clack on a Sunday night”.
“Anyways, ’bout half an hour later and still no sign of the fucker. So, I was straight back on the phone ta them”.
“Nearly two hours he eventually arrives at my door and deliberately counts out my change like he’s not wise til I lose the bap and tell him to keep it”.
“When I opened the beg the bastards had forgat the garlic dip and the food was freezing”.
“Fuck it, that’s me eating sensible again. Back on the Herbalife l’mara”, he added.