A Dundonald man has started smoking tobacco cigarettes in a desperate bid to wean himself off nicotine vapour, it has emerged.
Dave ‘Dopey’ Stewart inadvertently became addicted to nicotine when he started vaping a couple of years ago.
Dopey, a non-smoker to begin with, started vaping because ‘all his mates were doing it’.
Through time Dave became heavily dependent upon the vapour emitting electronic device.
The twenty-six-year-old’s parents became concerned about their son’s over-use of the e-Cig and told him he should cut down.
So, after a brief consultation with some ‘medical experts’ on Facebook and a pre-wank nosey on Google, Dave decided the best way to quit vaping was to start smoking.
“I managed to cut back on my vapin’ by smokin’ twen’y Richmonds a day”, explained Dave.
When told that Nicotine was a highly addictive substance on a level comparable to heroin and cocaine, Dave replied:
“Awk that’s a lotta ballix, so it is. Sure I’ve been on the pure every night this week and luk at me the day? I barely even want the rest of this gram”.
And when informed that smoking tobacco was more harmful than vaping Dave snapped:
“Sure everythin’s bad for ye according to yousens. Drinkin’, ate’n McDanaldsiz – next you’ll be tellin’ me sniffin’ glue is bad for ye!”.
Despite the serious health risks attributed to smoking, Dave’s father, Jake, is relieved that his son has finally quit vaping:
“I was sick lukin’ at him puffin’ on that fuckin’ froot-flute”.
“Every night while I was rollin’ my fegs, he’d be pourin’ Gaylord juice in his poof-pipe”.
“So I sez til him, ‘Luk at yer mawn Patrick Swayze! Ya didn’t see him suckin’ on a wanker whistle, did ye? He tuk his cancer of the larynx like a real mawn'”.