Belfast Man Hospitalised After Bath-Bomb Explosion

A Dundonald man is said to be in a stable condition in hospital after surviving a bath-bomb blast at his East Belfast home. 

Reputed ‘tap mawn’ of the DLA, Davy ‘The Venezuelan’ Taylor, was soaking in the tub with a flannel over his face when a ball-shaped mixture of fragrances and essential oils was tossed into his bath.

Mr Taylor, who has very sensitive skin, immediately came out in blotches due to the irritants and allergens contained within the ‘bath bomb’.

He was found on the bathroom floor by friend, John ‘Crazyhorse’ McCracken, who rubbed Sudocreme on his commander’s testicles before rushing him up to the Ulster Hospital.

The bombing was condemned by local politician Barry Mellon who said:

‘I am disgusted that a man has broken out in a rash this morning as a result of a despicable and cowardly bath-bombing’. ‘

Yet again we see the total contempt for a relaxing soak in the tub from some quarters of our society’.

Speaking from his bedside in the Specialist Splish-Splash Unit of the Ulster Hospital, Mr Taylor told us:

‘I was lyin there mindin’ my own business when suddenly my nostrils were filled with a dreamy scent. I knew straight away I’d been fuckin’ bath-bombed’.

‘Even though the jasmine and tonka transported me to a floral paradise which I didn’t want to leave, I’ve been left head-to-toe in this bastardin’ rash’.

Asked if it’s put him off bathing again, Taylor said:

‘No way. I’ll still be having a bath every month, whether I need one or not’.

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