Primary school children not drinking enough shandy these days, warn experts

Experts are warning that an entire generation of children are in danger of steering clear of nicotine and alcohol addiction, unless immediate action is taken. Dr Steph O'Scope is worried that unless companies reintroduce the sale of low alcohol shandy drinks and ‘sweetie fegs’, many of Northern Ireland’s school children might never experience the joy … Continue reading Primary school children not drinking enough shandy these days, warn experts

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Study finds 9 out of 10 relationships built upon disturbing Netflix documentaries

New research finds that 90% of modern day relationships centre around watching some pretty disturbing shit on Netflix.  A study by Dundonald Looniversity revealed that couples prefer to spend their leisure time together watching documentaries about serial killers, child abduction or rape than any other activity. In fact, 7 out of 10 couples confessed that … Continue reading Study finds 9 out of 10 relationships built upon disturbing Netflix documentaries

Single Belfast man has ribs removed ahead of steak & blow job day

A local man is said to be ‘in good spirits’ after undergoing an operation to have his lowermost ribs removed ahead of ‘International Steak & Blow Job Day’. The 36-year-old is recovering well in the Ulster Hospital after the complicated eight hour procedure known locally as ‘a Prince’. March 14th is ‘International Steak and Blow … Continue reading Single Belfast man has ribs removed ahead of steak & blow job day

Local man who told his wife he was skint about to spend £400 on Cheltenham

A Dundonald man who told his wife he was skint is about to gamble roughly £400 on the Cheltenham Festival today, it has emerged.  Phil Docket (41) made it abundantly clear to his wife Beatrice (38) he wouldn't be able to give her any money towards the bills this week because he was 'f**kin fleeced'. … Continue reading Local man who told his wife he was skint about to spend £400 on Cheltenham

Conor McGregor wins first fight in over 2 years

UFC star Conor McGregor spent the night celebrating inside a Florida jail cell after winning a fight for the first time since November 2016. The Irish fighter recorded the win inside three seconds after he knocked his opponent's phone out of his hand. McGregor, 30, landed a strong left hand with his first connecting bitch-slap … Continue reading Conor McGregor wins first fight in over 2 years

Hans Gruber posthumously awarded Freedom of Belfast

Hans Gruber has been posthumously awarded the Freedom of Belfast, according to reports. Gruber, an internationally-feared German terrorist and the mastermind behind the foiled Nakatomi Plaza heist, famously fell 30 stories to his death on Christmas Eve in 1988. And more than 30 years after his untimely death, chiefs at Belfast City Council feel the … Continue reading Hans Gruber posthumously awarded Freedom of Belfast

Long delays at Belfast International as airport makes Lagan Bar check-in compulsory

Belfast International Airport has come under fire over long delays and passengers queuing outside the airport in freezing conditions after making Lagan Bar drink-pics a compulsory part of the check-in process. Airport chiefs were forced to apologise this morning when a 37-year-old man lost his left testicle to frostbite while stuck in a long snaking … Continue reading Long delays at Belfast International as airport makes Lagan Bar check-in compulsory

Local man ruins chances with ‘hot nurse’ after undignified dental appointment

A Dundonald man believes he may have scuppered any chance he had with a local dental nurse after an undignified visit to the dentist.  Romeo McBuckin had a 9.15am appointment at his local dental surgery which he believed to be a routine check-up. However, when Romeo finally emerged from the reclining leather chair, his teeth … Continue reading Local man ruins chances with ‘hot nurse’ after undignified dental appointment

Local man taking the opportunity to let everyone know he’s never watched Game of Thrones

A Dundonald man is taking the opportunity to tell everyone on social media that he’s never watched a single episode of Game of Thrones ahead of the release of the new series. 37-yr-old Harry Kit from Culross Drive, Ballybeen, takes great delight in the fact that he’s never seen the a solitary edition of the … Continue reading Local man taking the opportunity to let everyone know he’s never watched Game of Thrones